I decided 2016 was to be my selfish year. The year where I try my hardest to do what is best for me.

Not what I think other people want to do.

Not what they want me to do.

Not what I think I should be doing.

The things that are actually good for me.

 

I decided to take a break from blogging. I had been struggling with it and I found I couldn’t think of much to I write about. Instead I would focus on making myself better, happier, healthier. To be less stressed and more positive was and is what is important.

 

I am a worrier and a bit of a stress head. And quite frankly it isn’t good for me.

So the only thing I want to do in 2016 is work towards being a less stressed human. No goals. No specific things to achieve. Just that whatever I do, should be related to that theme.

 

The reason for not setting hard and fast targets and goals is that they are (for me at least) easy to miss. Easy to fail at. Which makes it very easy to jack the whole thing in and go back to how things were.

 

So in January I focused on having a good time. On enjoying myself and making the most of my time off. I had planned well for this as I had a weekend break and a week off to look forward to and frankly I think it spoiled me. Nothing like starting high but it’s hard to keep up that level of awesomeness when you have other life commitments and a limited budget!

 

In February, I decided to take physical action regarding what was best for myself and try to resolve on longstanding skin condition around my eyes. It started out looking promising with a referral to a belpharitis specialist. However, two weeks of trailing a new eye care regime (which involved a rather expensive bottle of lotion) I was told it didn’t seem to be belpharitis after all. Now I have to make an appointment to see my GP to try and get another diagnosis and a referral to see a dermatologist. All the while I get to have dry, flaky, scaly red skin around my eyes. Attractive.

 

March saw me hit a bit of a set back. At the end of February I started with a cough. And by the first of March I was off work sick. Several trips to the doctor gained no advantage except an interesting morning out to the hospital for a chest X-ray. Again, no result. Just a rotten old cough. I maintain that I think it is whooping cough but by the time I had a sample check it had been over three weeks which is apparently when the infection would have cleared up anyway. I was still coughing a bit but got myself back at the administrative coal face. While I was off work I did manage to sort through some clutter but nothing nothing like the amount I could’ve done had I not been so shattered, never mind.

 

April though is where things started to look up for me again. I started a second job, one day a week at a bakers as a trainee. Even though it’s only the one day, it has been a real confidence boost for me. I’ve learned some new skills and have shown myself that I can do new things and take on new challenges without totally collapsing and failing.

An old friend of mine got married enough and was so kind, and generous in inviting myself and the boy along to the wedding. Seeing her and her new husband so happy was one of the most heart-warming things I think I’ve ever seen. Not only that, but it was such a well planned, beautiful day. No fuss (at least that I could see). No stress and worry. Just happy people having a good time. Just how life should be.

And… In a very abrupt turn of events… I’m buying a house. Well, to put it more accurately, we’re buying a house. Me and the boy, together. Oo scary. I have no idea what I’m doing, and I’m sure he won’t mind too much me saying I don’t think he does either. It’s very much a make it up as we go along thing and hope for the best. We have in no way got the keys yet but it’s looking pretty positive. Things seem to be moving in the right direction at least.

Now May is nearly over too and still have so much swimming around in my head. So much I want to do. So much that I feel like I could change or do better but I feel positive that I’m doing well with 2016 so far. I just have to keep going and try to build on these foundations.

 

I hope to see you soon,

Charlotte

 

 

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