I failed. Twice.

I was so excited to start #BEDN because I had been finding it hard to blog. I just haven’t been able to muster up the energy or inspiration to put fingers to keyboard and write something. So the idea that the topics were already set out for me really appealed. That has been half the battle for me and someone else has done it for me.

I also liked the challenge element. Sure, I’ve been struggling to actually get on and write things but the idea that is is a challenge was a big motivator for me. And for the first week or so, I did it. I sat down and I wrote. I enjoyed it.

And then, I got poorly.

I had been fighting of this horrible cold that had been going around the office for over a month. I wasn’t going to be I’ll. I didn’t have time. I was busy. So busy. And I kept going and going and then I crashed. I couldn’t go to work let alone write a blog post. And I got behind. First I missed a day. Then two. Then three or four, I can’t remember. I failed.

One of my favourite things I have ever heard about success and habits and achievement is ‘Fail Small, Not Big’. What this means is if you are trying to achieve something, like trying to blog every day or going for a swim every week or anything else and you mess up… You don’t just give up. You say, ‘hey, so I missed a blog/day/week etc, that’s okay, I’ll just carry on from here’. The idea bring that having a small hiccup is better than totally quitting altogether.

So that is what I did. I picked myself up and I got back in track. I caught up. I did all the blog topics j missed and the current ones. And it felt good. So that was Failure number one. Just a small one.

Failure number 2 came later. Other things happened. My brain was full. I couldn’t think. I couldn’t process. I couldn’t focus. And I couldn’t write. This was failure number 2. A failure of two halves.

At first, I felt like a failure because I had been unable to complete something I had committed myself to doing. But then, I slowly decided to embrace my failure. And I embraced it as my choice. In direct contrast to my earlier point I made the choice to not start again. There is a lot of stuff going on in my head right now, and having a mandatory blog to write is just not a priority. It is not good for me. So I decided to fail big. I chose to fail for my own mental wellbeing and in that way, I feel I have won.

I would definitely do this again, and I would like to make it through the whole month. I would try to be more prepared though if I did attempt it again. I would try to write in advance and to be less tough on myself.

Last year I did Blogmas, which I won’t be attempting this year in light of my #BEDN shenanigans. But I will be doing a few posts here and there if and when inspiration and frame of mind strike.

Thank you if you read this.

Love Charlotte x

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