Today I shall treat (or subject might be a better word) you to the second of the stories I wrote as a high-schooler. If anything, I am more concerned for my own sanity than after the first. Read ahead at your own peril.
Story the Second
Once upon another time, I’m a very fluffy cotton wool cloud, there lived a turnip man who wished to be human. He waited for four and twenty years for his hair to grow so that he could weave a rope ladder to climb down from his cottage in the clouds.
He did this in order to see a magical butterfly fairy godmother.
To find her, he went on a long journey through an Ice Cream, Roast Sunday Lunch and Wednesday factory. What do you mean Wednesdays aren’t made in a factory? Where else would they come from? Anyway, on his travels through the factory he came across a chewing gum fountain and buried in the top there was a portable milkshake cannon. “Ooo, that could come in handy” he thought and pocketed it.
As he left the factory (through velvet curtains which hung over a church door) several angry sheep charged at him! They had realised he had stolen the milkshake cannon and they were very, VERY angry about it.
The charging sheep caused the Turnip Man to panic and without warning he transfigured into an Octopus! He proceed to attack the sheep by spraying them with biros (ink is so old fashioned). The sheep ran away because the biros were rather pointy.
The newly transfigured Octupus Man then chose to build a raft out of giraffes. The giraffes just happened to live outside the Ice Cream, Roast Sunday Lunch and Wednesday factory. Convenient eh? He then sailed down the Parmesan and rhubarb flavoured jelly canal until he arrived at the magnificent Apricit Marshalllow Tree. He climbed to the highest branch where the Magical Butterfly Fairy Godmother lived in a fully plumbed potato sack. He asked if she would change him into a human, because incase you had forgotten, that it the point of the story.
The Magical Butterfly was in a very bad mood because she had just lost of the Fairy Godmother Lottery and flat out said No.
The Octopus Man was fuming.
After all, he had been on a very long journey and was so overwhelmed by anger that he ate her. By eating her he absorbed her powers and transfigured one more time into a gold and diamond encrusted Knight! He sprinted to the King’s holiday cottage and shot him with the milkshake cannon. The King was highly lactose intolerant and keeled over almost immediately on the spot.
Crazy with power, the Knight processed to take over the kingdom by feeding everyone chloroform infused baked goods and brainwashing them all to think he was the King after all. His first declaration as new ruler was to force everyone to cook their food I’m the shape of a tree. Anyone that refused was forced to eat actual trees.
Well, that was… Interesting. I’m not sure what is going on with that little tag on about having to eat actual trees. I’ve just checked out the next story and it looks a lot less, well, strange.
I shall bid you farewell for now and try and think of a proper blog topic for tomorrow.