I started out 2014 by making a really long list of things I wanted to do with the year. In January, I was really focused. I picked out specific things and get this, I did them.
February was a but more haphazard. More checking back on the list to see if I’d managed to to do anything. Which I had.
By March, I’d somewhat abandoned the list.
This sounds bad. Which it is. But actually, I didn’t really make the list to set out to complete it. It was about me telling myself I wasn’t going to have a bad year. 2013 was a bad year. I can’t really remember why now. And I don’t wish to try.
The list was about me having the confidence that I could do fun things, things that I wanted to achieve. That I could have a better year than the one that had passed previously. And 6 months in I can honestly say that I am. It’s had it’s low points, fair enough, but if you had told me on the 1st of January that I would find myself where I do now, I probably wouldn’t have believed you.
Of course there are things I still want to achieve, things I still want to do, this I still want to change. I think there probably always should be. If you’ve stopped having things to aim for you’re going to end up stagnant. Sure it’s annoying when you have constantly revisit a goal because you just can’t seem to make it happen.
For example, I am learning to drive. Can I get myself ready to take the test? Nope. Apparently not. I’ve done three practices and I’ve messed them all up pretty dramatically. Sometimes I just want to call it quits. But that would be silly. I just need more practise. More and more practise. I’ll be ready to take the test when I’m ready to take it.
Another example is my consistent attempts to defeat my disorganisation and put systems in place that will keep me on track, help me keep a clear and organised mind. I have been trying to do this my entire life. I am happiest when I am organised. I function best in a neat environment with a structure I can follow. Naturally though, I am disorganised. I am a mess. I tend towards chaos. Which makes this a constant internal civil war. The Me I Am vs The Me I Want To Be.
Hitting the mid year for me feels like a good resting point. A good time to have a really good think about what is important, what I can achieve and how the heck I’m going to do it. It’s time to take stock. To keep moving forward. To work out what direction I would like the next six months to take. But actually, it doesn’t really matter. I’ll end up where I end up and as long as I’ve tried my best along the way then that’s good enough for me.
Pip pip, Charlotte.